Should You Tell the Kids You Lost Your Job

Should You Tell the Kids You Lost Your JobShould You Tell the Kids You Lost Your JobWhich of the following three ways to tell your kids you lost your job works best for your family?Some people tell me they find it very difficult even to find the words to tell their children that theyve lost their job. Does a 10-year-old child even know what the word fired or reduction in force means? And how much do teenagers even really understand?Lets face it, adults barely know whats going on, so for your children of any age, they just know that dad or mom is now home all day, not working.I grew up in Armonk, N.Y. - IBMs world headquarters. It welches the Microsoft town of the 1970s, and it was a different era for job security.In Armonk, almost everyones father worked for IBM. My friends whose dads (and in those days, it was only the dads) who worked at the global headquarters in our town had already worked for IBM around the world. The kids always told me that IBM stood for Ive Been Moved. If yo u ended up at the world headquarters, you had a job for life. It was like the Stepford Husbands All the fathers wore a white shirt, similar ties and blue suits. Back then, it seemed that no one ever lost his job.I have to confess Ive never been fired myself, much less had to explain it to my family. But todays economy has affected so many of my friends. Frankly, today, its the global reality.But that doesnt make it any easier, especially when youre thinking about what to tell the kids.Its especially difficult if this is the first time you have lost your job.Explaining it to your kids can be an emotional dilemma. When it comes down to it, whatever the reason, youve lost your job. Downsized, right-sized, let go, position eliminated Even if you got a great severance package, youre totenstill out of work. And none of this vocabulary helps explain it to your kids. They hear you networking on the phone and see you spending a lot of time on the computer, but none of it makes sense.Dad lost his job. What does that mean? Did he misplace it?Laid-off moms and dads tell me that sharing the news with their children is one of the hardest things theyve ever done. There are many ways to do it, if you choose to do it at all.The just tell the family straight out approachA common approach is the just tell the family straight out philosophy. Mom and dad sit down and tell the children together. From the parents I have heard this from, it sounds almost like theyre sitting their children down to tell them they are getting divorced. For some of my friends, announcing a divorce would have been easier.The just tell the truth family usually includes a laid-off worker who got a great severance and can keep the benefits package for a while. (Note You may think the buyout package is great now, but wait until you see how long it takes you to find a new job.) ansicht parents just explain it. The kids are five, 10, 17. Everyone gets the story.Of course, there can be a downside. What do you t hink your kids are thinking? Do they tell their friends? Your relatives? (Ugh The relatives You almost forgot about them, right?) What do you tell the relatives? Wow, getting fired for anyone just really sucks.The dont worry the kids approachThen I have other friends who really dont want their children to know. In some cases, its a pride thing. In others, because mom may have already lost more than one job, its a I dont want the kids to worry thing. These laid-off parents actually get up in the morning, get dressed for work, and drive around - maybe stop at the mall or the gym - until the kids leave for school. Then its back home to start looking for work. This plan often goes awry when prospective employers call the house and leave messages your kids end up hearing. And how can you network if youre so busy lying to your kids? This not telling the kids thing has got to be one stressful charade.The tell them whats possible while youre still employed approachSo, how do you tell your kids youre unemployed? Or do you keep it to yourself? Do you wait and see how long it takes to find a new job? I would love to hear from you - even if youre still working - how have you or would you tell your kids the bad news?Here is my advice. Everyone should be on orange alert. Be cautious, prepared and ready. Have your resume up-to-date, no matter how secure you feel.Usually the first thing our friends and family tell us when they are fired is that they were surprised. Surprised? Half of the U.S. is unemployed, but everyones always shocked when it happens to them. Explain to your children now the state of the economy. Tell them that mom and dad are lucky to be working, but you never know. Teach them not to judge their friends parents who may have lost their jobs. Reassure them that it will be okay, because eventually you will find a new job.Teach your children that the most important things in life are health, family and being together. Mom or dad can always find another job, but having one another is what really matters.